I'll explain later in the post about it.

I've not been posting for the past days.

So this was mainly what happened:

Monday :-

I went out with friends the whole day.Had a long and fruitful chat with my best friend, who's birthday was the main cause of going out altogether.

Tuesday:-

Decided to stay in for a day.Updating my last time nonexistent music list. These days I feel tensed up for no reason at all.So music relieves me a bit.

So my current top 5 are:
1.Way Back Into Love- Music And Lyrics Soundtrack
2.Viva La Vida- Coldplay
3.Whatsername- Greenday
4.I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
5.This Hyper World- Lemon Demon

Also while surfing the net I found a beautiful Rembrandt...
The picture above shows it.
I somehow got attached to it and love it.
Anyways I'm getting lazier to post these days but i'm posting for frequently.
When the holidays so will the frequency of my blog entries.
All for now.
Bye.

Well I kept my promise.
I did say I in an earlier post that I'll blast this blog with everything I've got during the hols.
And I'm keeping it.

Here I am in my best friend's house.
Typing.
I didn't manage to escape that hole.
I went and now I have a sprained shoulder.
Thanks a lot, girl.*

I wonder how the silence will effect me later on.
I am escaping the weekend.
But how can I face the rest of the week?
Must go in with my head tall and strong.
If doubt will cross my heart,
Everything will come crashing down.

So what should I type now?
What gaping hole in my life should I fill this time?
Never mind, I'm too lazy to type.
I just wanted to keep up with my promise.
If I have anything to chat about I'll let this blog know.

It's a post after lunch.Hooray!I guess I'll blast this blog with all I've got during the holidays.And I promise that.

Have to keep myself busy.As I type, my uncle and my mum are chatting.Dad's glued to the telly because of the Beijing Olympics.Music is playing as I type to fill the silence.I finally understand the term "silence is deafening" to it's full extent.Mainly it's Coldplay's latest hit "Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends".Cool name eh?It's on replay because I just love it.

I can't read because the fear of losing my edge.In two hours, I'm going to leave for Tae-Kwon-Do and my gym is one quiet place.Damn, I'm scared.Really scared of losing my edge.The only hope is to not go but I don't have a chance in the world.Mum is like if I don't go I'll have to quit.Damn.

Another sad thing is that I'm going to miss Christian Fellowship's Pool Party!I really wanted to go but never mind.Sigh.I'll keep this blog updated as I can.I'm going to try and squeeze my way out of this hole.Wishing myself luck.Good luck.

I can feel my gut clenching itself.

I don't know what to say.
So I type.

Somehow I like to type better than writing.
It's neater I guess.
I like neat.
Except when I'm lazy.
I'm typing because I am making my mind busy.
So it won't stray off and hit sensitive subjects.
I wrote all about it and my fear that it's.......
LOVE.

Love is everything.
Because God is everything and God is love.
But I suddenly see that love is a popular subject these days.
Bestsellers are mainly based on love.
Music is mainly governed by love.
Does this all this speed up the phase of puberty?
Does this somehow make it a must for young ones to fall in love?
That everyone else seems to be but them.
Does that drive to land their emotions on any close friend?
Without even knowing what they're like behind closed doors.
The burning desire to impress pushes them to the very limits.
Possibly beyond.
Maybe that's why most suicides are love-related.
But it's not love.
Instead it's infatuation.

Love cannot cause violence.
For love is God.
Nothing so pure can be blamed for such petty things.

So how do I fit in the picture?
Am I infatuated or in love?
Infatuation means obsessive love.
It would help me if I know what I was obsessed about.
So infatuation is crossed off.

So is it love?
Is it love, that's causing my gut to clench in nerves?
Is it love, that I look forward to each day with newfound enthusiasm?
Is it love, that I feel change blasting through every pore in my skin?
Is it love, that I suddenly became more confident with myself?

How should I know?
I just think and type.
Mysteries will unravel in time and soon it will be revealed.
Till then, I just type.

The holidays have begun but I am somehow filled with dread towards it.I think it's because I've grown used to everyone around me.I've been an only child for my whole life. This year and only this year, I've made bonds so strong like blood itself.

The saying goes "Blood is thicker than water". But can water merge into blood? In my case, yes. For the first time, I feel welcome and safe. Some friends have merged into brothers and sisters for me. Also, I joined my school's Christian Fellowship and they fill me with a sort of comfiness that I feel at home.

I now face the holidays. All my friends go off and so do I. Now I face a empty void in my heart that tries to rule me with misery and grief.Will I give in?

No. The mind must rule the heart. So, I keep myself busy.No daydreaming at all in case I let my guard down.It happened once. My gut clenched as the idea of loneliness hit me.I blasted back with happy memories rushing through my head. Lately, massive migraines are common but I let them be.They somehow serve as a reminder that blank thoughts will lead to crushing realization of being empty.

Strangely, I've never felt this way before. Is this related to the major shift in writing? Someone told me I'm in love but no, love is an easy excuse out of every damn thing in this world.There something bigger and darker behind it.

But something still haunts me. What if I'm just paranoid and it's truly love after all?

I am bored.
So I type.

I am on the search of what my inspiration triggers are.
Last week was the clincher.
20 over poems doesn't happen overnight.
Seriously.
Something fueled it.
Note that the two were love poems.
Parting Gazes was about breaking up.
Love's First Move was about a love stricken man.

The 20 over poems were from different genres.
So I divided them by memory into their genres.

12 were about love.
3 were about death.
Roughly 4 were about family.
1 was about religion.
The rest was about life.

I noticed a major shift in my writing.
I wrote about love more than anything else.
Strangely, I don't have any major relationships or crushes or whatever,
Although, I do seem more comfortable in that genre.

Strange.
Oh yeah, I got 500 for "Troubles And Toffees"
Even that's based on love,
God, whats happening!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Okay, calmed down.
I realised I'm becoming the very thing I hated last time.
But now I'm seemingly embracing it,
And it's swallowing me whole,
And I love it,
Every second of it.

Anyways, back to the inspiration triggers.
I guess the triggers were:-

-An empty styrofoam cup of coffee
-A glance into an office building and I saw a man breaking down at his table
-The sound of a strange metallic object hitting the ground.
-The smell of a fancy restaurant that I was passing
-My librarian blazer
-Some classical music that was being played in a house near my school.
-Adrenaline rushes I've been getting recently
-Friends

I don't know why but this whole week itself I wrote almost 20 poems.
These are the favourites.

Here's Parting Gazes.

Parting Gazes by Mark Lester

As the world caresses a dying flower,

We will not meet again,

I will disappear from your gaze,

Shall we part, but do not haste,

Blinking eyes of the heart,

Now is cold as we grow apart,

Hazel eyes, lips so pure,

My love for her is now no more,

With an end and with a start,

Each of us has played their part,

Story concludes, each takes a turn,

Away from each other hearts will burn,

Tears flow down from her face,

Never dousing her radiant grace,

I loved her so, but not this way,

My heart now breaks as I turn away,

Alas, the world turns so slow,

Wind chimes along with the gentle flow,

Same with love, our hearts beat along,

Once it was, but now it’s gone,

Goodbye my love, I say farewell,

Leaving you is my personal hell,

We were blind but now we see,

That our love can never be.

END.

Then there's Love's First Move.

Love’s First Move by Mark Lester

It was cruel and yet so good,

She came and washed away my dark mood,

Startling me, I backed away,

But silently wishing for her to stay,

I never knew this side of me,

With her around, I feel so free,

Opening my heart and leaving it be,

Where it was once under lock and key,

But all of this does she know,

That I’ll never try and let her go,

Arms open, she’ll always embrace,

Dazzling me with her beautiful face,

Am I in love or am I insane,

Personal bliss or taunting pain,

Did I tell how she smiles,

For that I’ll walk so many miles,

Now the first move I shall make,

Being cautious each step I take,

Must hurry though because if I wait too long,

It’ll be too late and she’ll be gone.

End.


There was actually loads more but I can't remember.
These two popped into my mind when I was carrying a notebook.
So lesson in life is to carry a notebook wherever I go.
That's all for now.